Coconut Girl and the Mirror

Once upon a time coconut girl ran into a child holding a rock,
The child’s eyes turned into a big mirror
Coconut girl saw the mirror for the first time in her life.
A moment of self-discovery
She didn’t like what she saw
She was scared
she smashed the mirror
100,000 pieces the mirror scattered
Each one has the same picture: Coconut girl
A l00, 000 coconut girls

The child died on the cross
Went to heaven
A whole generation passed
The 100,000 mirrors grew up mirror trees
Each with 100,000 more mirrors with brown girls on them
Mirrors speak; I am your identity, I am your grandmother El hajjeh, back in the old country
Look into my eyes; I’m your mirror
Erase me from your diary; you can’t erase me from your genes.
Brown on brown
She tore down grandmother’s picture but grandmother still existed
The more she avoided looking into the child’s brown eyes the more she was dissolving
Living in denial is the best cure
She turned off the history
She preached; I’m felicity, I am beige now.
I’m the saint of all saints,
I study people,
I’m above everyone
I’m exotic,
I am hummous,
I am tabbouleh.
I’m just another coconut girl
I tell people what is right and what is wrong
And in the meantime I uproot me

To be Arab and proud, what a combination
Is it logically feasible?
It scares me,
I see those pictures of my grandmothers that I burnt.
I apologize to the mirror and the children
It’s not about you

Grandma visits me in my dream, passes her gentle loving hand on my forehead and forgives me.

My self-hatred is blinding my vision; the cowboys taught me that I am brown because I am dirty,
They invented Clorox. I washed me with Clorox so that I can fit.
I don’t want to be dirty.

Grandma visits me in my dream, passes her gentle loving hand on my forehead and forgives me.

Brown bleached girl got pregnant
She gave birth to a brown little boy who was holding a rock

I’m a mere rusty brown link on the chain of “us’s” identity
I happened to be a prime number
A second generation ya grandmother
Don’t blame me

Brown Jesus visits me in my dream, passes his gentle loving hand on my forehead and forgives me.

Journal of a Hymen - Part 2

Virginity in my brain
Virginity between my legs
Hymen encapsulating my thoughts
Self-resentment
Mixed with fear
Mixed with guilt
Mixed with sexual frustration
Repressed emotions
Suppressed fantasies
Condemned dreams
That fucking Hymen
I hate it but keep it
I am not retarded
I am scared
I am not a sharmouta (a slut)
I wish I were
I am a virgin
I freeze when you touch me
I become an ice pole
Every muscle spasms
I am a big spasm
Spasm virgin
I wish I were Swedish
Enjoying my sexual freedom
I hate my parents for the hymen
I hate god for the hymen
I hate me for the hymen
Hymen between my legs
Hymen strangling my mind

Journal of a Hymen - how she rocked the boat !

You are not a virgin??? I said
.
She laughed loudly like she always does; 'don’t tell me
 you are ' she replied
.
Her laugh is always preceding her, threatening the 
old cobwebs and bizarre contradictions in the minds of girls
 and boys all over the Arab world. 

'Aren’t you scared?’ I said
'.
Why would I?' Her smile shining through her playful curiosity, 'it is MY body you know'.
'But we are Arabs' I said. 
'Aren’t you afraid that you will fall in love with a 
guy who won’t accept that?' I asked
.
'I wont fall in love with a jerk', ' I don’t want to marry a virgin guy’, I don’t want to marry a guy who wants to marry a virgin'. 'AND I don’t understand why are you still a virgin!'


I was amazed, intrigued, confused, and yet ashamed.

'How did you feel when you lost your virginity?' I asked
'I didn't LOOSE it! I got rid of it', she said, ' I felt relief, I felt liberated' 'I felt finally that I am in control over the worn out customs’. ' I felt for the first time that I am one, my mind is one, my body is one'. Many 'DO IT' without cracking the seal, you know hundreds who do, you know it doesn’t mean anything, men also know that you know. ', 'It is not a moral obligation’, 'no one has the right to have a red seal on me or you'

.

She always rocked the boat, she rocked my hymen's boat. I went to bed dreaming about this liberating feeling that I never felt. Afraid to break the seal and rock the hymen.



This is a picture from the heart of the Arab world. And she did fall in love, and she married the guy, and he is Arab and he was proud of her, of her courage , of her character, of her rebellion, and he loved her for that , he loved her for not having a hymen and still does and he loves her brain and body and depth, and the lack of hymen - who wouldn’t

?

Hymen hymen on the wall
...
without you they say
 I have no virtue at all!

- - حد فاضي ورايق كتب هذه ال"قصيدة" (مش انا) - القـــافية النونيـــة

القـــافية النونيـــة
أيـــــا ذا القـلب لا تحـــــزن فــــــذاك الحـب Infection
فـلـن تجــــــدي عقــــــاقير ولن تشفــــــيك Injection
فـــكم من عـاقـــــل فطـــن مضى بالحــب Direction
سـتـنـــــكره وتـنـســــــــاه ولن يبـــــقى له Mention
فـلا تنــــــــظم له شعــــراً ولا تكـتــــــب له Section
ولا يحــــــــزنك من باعك فقد أخطــــأت Selection
ولا تبـــــدي له أســـــــفـاً ولا تبــــــــــدي له action
فـــــــــــــإن الحب منـزلةٌ لبعض الناس exception
فبعض الناس إن هجـروا فلا حـــــزنٌ ولا tension
وبعض الناس إن هجروا يظل ويبـقى connection
فوصــــــل الروح إقبـــالٌ وما أحـــــــــلاه reaction
بدعـوات ومن قــلــــــب لها أثــــــــــر و affection
فـــإن لم يبـــــق لي شيء فلا حــــــــب ولا Passion
فــلا أسـف عـلى دنـيــــــا لـك وعليــك conversion

For you to be you and for me to be me

Allow me to feel my pain
Allow me to connect with it
dont dismiss me
give me room to breathe
I need to let it all out
it is poisoning my system
the years of oppression and neglect are getting to me
I need a safe place
give me your unconditional love so that I can give you mine
feel my pain so that I can feel yours
my pain is a big part of who i am
I dont want to feel embarrassed of my pain
I am allowed to feel it !
You say : move on, move on...
how can I?
I will I know - one day maybe, when I am safe
when i am heard
Marginalized - do you know how painful that is ?
feer hurts!
Exposed...
I want to be exposed to you
with all my pain and brilliance
my genuis and depression
I dont want to be embarrased becasuse of my oppression
"it is not an issue" , you say. My life is way better that many others -
But you know, it is MINE, my pain is mine- I am the one who feels it.
My pain needs love
be gentle with my pain
my darkness needs the light of understanding
solidarity

dont dismiss me
can you accept me the way i am? with my beauty and baggage?
do you see my beauty at all?
I tell the ocean about my pain - the trees hear me

God hears me
I crave the unity of the soul , a commuinity of the heart
communion with God through you and him and her
help me drop my defences
help me get rid of my identities - I want to be whole when with you
how can i if i am not whole within myself?

help me break free from the grinding wheel - acknowledge my courage - my stuggle
embrace my schezophrania
my madness is part of me
my maddness IS me

take me as a whole
Allow me to be me so that I can seize to be me
What I feel is real even if it doesnt make sense to you
Do you know how it feels to be jailed? stripped of your freedom?
do you know how it feels to be a woman? an arab? a palestinian? an artist?
do you want to know? do you care to know?
Does anyone care to know?

why would they, depressing lamentaion ...
minority colonialism feminism
oppression stuff ... boring depressing activist blabla
why would you care ? you were born up there
on the top of the hill

but if you want to be you
i need to be me
there is no you without me
and only when you stop being you
is when I become me
and only then
is when
I stop being me
only then
you can be you
and i can be me
do you see ?
what i'm trying to say ?
yes or nay?
hey?
hello
knock knock..
anyone there
or just an empty headskin

let's both seize to be you and me,
and only be
a one amazing we

words for LOVE in Arabic

Alâqa : liaison
'araq : insomnie
Balâbil : tourments
Cha'af : souffrances
Chaghaf : désir
Chajan : chagrins
Chajw : souci et tristesse
Chawq : nostalgie-désir
Da'mukhâmir : affection sans répit
Danaf : mal chronique
Futûn : désorientation sous l'effet de la séduction
Ghamarât : débordement
Gharâm : passion
Hanîn : nostalgie
Hawâ : tomber en amour
Hurqa : brûlure
Huyâm : transport d'amour
Huzn : tristesse
Ichq : amour passionné
Ikti'âb : mélancolie
Istikâna : apaisement
Jawâ : consomption
Junûn : folie
Kalaf : épreuve
Kamad : amour étouffé
Khabal : confusion mentale
Khilâba : envoûtement
Khilla : amitié profonde
Khulm : ien affectueux
Lâ'ij : affection douloureuse
Ladh' : morsure du feu
Lahaf : avidité
Law'a : amour lancinant
Lumam : transgressions minimes
Mahabba : amitié constante
Miqah : attachement prévenant
Rasiss : fièvre
Sabâba : finesse et ardeur du sentiment amoureux
Sabwa, sabâ : penchant pour les jeunes femmes
Sadam : affection suivie d'abbatement
Suhd : insomnie
Talabbud : adoration(mais on n'adore qu'Allah,swt)
Tabâla : anéantissement de langueur
Tabârîh : rigueurs
Tadlîh : stupeur et déraison
Tatayyum : sujétion par extase
Wahl : frayeurs
Wajd : véhemence d'amour
Walah : stupeur
Wasb : mal chronique
Widd : pureté et délicatesse

Rush the floor with Saba7 Fakhri

Rush the floor with Saba7 Fakhri.mp3